The kinky adventures of a painslut

Fairy queer, polyamorous, naturally submissive and highly analytical

The ginger vol II

I’m delighted and pleased and all kinds of happy with how the sexual aspect of the relationship to the ginger is turning out.

I’m not quite sure if his previous partners have been shy or just had sexual wants that were extremely different from what I could imagine, but he seems so…surprised at pretty much everything I do. To a certain extent it makes me a little sad: you mean no oneever, made you come manually? Like….how? How can you keep your hands off something so fucking good? How can you not par example ask what the other person wants if what you’re doing is not getting them off?

Pardon me for getting a bit lyric here, but I had such a good evening yesterday. I’d had a fucking terrible day with the first panic attack for a very long time and he’d been at work pretty much around the clock and still he got me dinner, made me dinner, listened to me and cuddled me. Of course I wanted to reciprocate by giving him a back rub. As sometimes (often) happens, I’d just glide into this oxytocin mist, where touching felt so good and pushing against him felt so good and how the fuck can someone smell so good it is not fucking natural and touching becomes stroking and then you find yourself so wet that you’re staining the sheets through the fabric of your pants, dick in hand and in a state of complete mindfulness and at peace with the world, your body humming at the right energy state, resonating with everything around you, with him, with his incredibly.fucking.delicious.dick.jesus.wow.

I think I might be humming aloud from my own pleasure by the time he actually comes, who knows. Gods he is really something.

Gingers 

My new fuckbuddy/date/whatever showed some true colours last night, much to my joy. Can’t say I’m surprised though, just as I send out bottomy signals I also read toppy signals in others and I tend to trigger them even if they weren’t always very strong before (I consider this my special magic skill!). The ginger was at my place and we’d just be cuddling at first, I’d find my way down as the dick-hungry slut I am, and then I’d ask him to please fuck my face. And oh did he oblige. I mean, not just the careful “oh okay I’m straddling your face” I was expecting – it didn’t take long until one hand found its way into my hair and got a good grip, and the other a firm hold on my throat. Then I was fucked, properly, with gag reflexes and tears and all. It was delightfully humiliating to have his dick slap my face whenever I’d be allowed a quick breather, and to be teased and forced to beg for it. I can’t very well even think “do you want it in your mouth?” without feeling some serious pooling action going on, let alone with a straight face. But then that is what is so delightful in being a sub. You get cuter the more pathetically you beg for it ^___^ 

I am so pleased at this turn of events! 

What polyamory really is 

Sometimes when I tell people I’m poly they assume it means I have hot group sex all the time. I usually tell them they’re wrong: polyamory is 95% talking about feelings while drinking tea. Luckily there is that other five percent, too, where you fuck your partner, your partner’s other partner and your partner’s other partner’s other partner. I’m a hedonistic and blessed little slut. 

(Please read the title with a pinch of irony – polyamory can look and probably looks different for every poly <3 )

A threesome from the sick bed

So I’m on sick leave due to a surgical procedure and can’t have penetrative sex (as the receiving part) for several weeks! This is terrible news. The happy news are that my oral fixation hasn’t gone anywhere despite the D/s-relationship that nurtured it so well having ended.

I visited my girlfriend and her live-in -primary and we ended up fucking. I couldn’t take any clothes off, of course, surgical wounds aren’t very sexy and I’m still sore all over, but I could lend my services as a very gifted and eager mouth. Oh my gods it was pure bliss! I was squeezed up between two pairs of legs, alternating between clit and dick and eventually managing to get the both of them squeezed together close enough to fit the head of her boyfriend’s dick into my mouth while still maintaining tongue function and then I’d just close my eyes and pick up the soft back-and-forth rhythm and fully focus on the pleasure of all these different feels and tastes in my mouth. I can’t deny I took great pride in their humor-tinted “how the fuck can you even manage of all that in your mouth at the same time?” comments ^__^  (thank you A, you’ve trained me well but in all fairness I’m a natural, too, tssk!)

And then an idea just popped into my mind and I decided to voice it out loud without thinking first: I asked the gf’s primary if it would be OK for him to fuck my mouth and cum over my face.

I’ll have you know I haven’t had a facial in, oh I don’t know. Five years? Seven?

I’m more for spunk when it comes sans sperm (I think the “taste of testo” in transmasculine cum is a thing (by “thing” I mean tasty as fuck)) but hey, it was an experience I haven’t had in a while and if I want something, I tend to ask for it and I’m grateful I received it, too! Now my hair is all jizzy, bwahah!

I drape myself over you

So many changes, wow! A short update on the current status of my affairs before we continue:

-I am not only Ownerless but also Masterless now since about a month back. This has been a very painful process and I love my former sir very much as a person, but in between our different personalities, needs and mental health states, we are not able to upkeep a healthy D/s-relationship now. I’m glad we’re finally here, even if we’ve clearly hurt each other very much in the process. We still fuck, because honestly, what is the point of trying to stay away from a person who has me wet and ready in two seconds flat ^^” I’m guessing this still searches for its final form, and I have no idea where we’re going to land, but for now we’re friends and fuckbuddies. My former master will now go by the letter A in this blog!

-I might close down the whole s-side of myself for a little while, to let it heal. I have to learn to differentiate between sessioning/playing and submitting, because I want to keep bottoming, of course. I don’t deny it – it feels like a great pity and like I’ve lost something great. A was the best possible Top for me, but not the best Owner nor Master and my submission is far more emotionally demanding than I thought at first. I’m sure I’ll figure something out at some point, find a person who inspires submission in me at the same time as they want to take it all on, full force, or maybe find ways to play that isn’t so emotionally taxing for me or the D. I’m OK with letting this rest for a while now.

-I have a beautiful beautiful vanilla girlfriend. My gods, she is a bombshell and she is the most supportive, loving, healing angel. And sex is such a delight – who knew vanilla could be so damn enjoyable? It’s different in the way that, I don’t know, classical music and proper cathartic bass heavy trap is different. Both music (sex), but that’s all there is in common, and I have the capacity and settings to enjoy both.

-I’m not sexually passive, by any means, because my submission is sleeping for a moment. Gods, I really really want to fuck around! And this is where we come to where we’re at now:

 

I fucked my colleague. He’s been in a straight, mono relationship for a long while and ended up leaving his partner, getting drunk and telling me he’s seen wet dreams about me and was intrigued and “questioned his heterosexuality”. Call me a wanton slut, but how could I not catch on? He’s really cute and charming and so I invited him over. It took about a month of back-and-forth-chatting and flirting and “err what is going on?” and I’d kind of figured maybe it’s not something to pursue after all, but then Netflix and chill entered the picture!

We were gonna watch a movie, I leaned against him as his arm slowly slid up to make room for me to crawl closer. Fast forward half an hour and he’s tracing the lines of my palm and I turn my hand upward to give him access to my wrists. His fingers hit the sensitive skin on the inside of the wrist, I let out an involuntary gasp and stretch out, draped over his lap. He breathes out in a little snort that makes me look up to see him smiling with satisfaction, and I’m like okay here we go, so I turn in pleasure, offering him my neck as his plunges his hands into my hair and end up slowly running two fingers across my throat and down down down. I’m proud of myself – we manage to finish the movie before I get up and resolutely take him by the hand and drag him to my bed.

It is such a delight to taste someone new. The tension when you’re already breathing each other in but you’re still waiting for the other one to take the initiative and kiss you and you just feel stubble, skin, breath. Or the first reaction when you’ve finally torn off all the clothes and kiss your way down a new stomach and owner of said stomach leans back and sighs out a slow, breathy moan, or the first quick inhaling reflex they have when you finally take their whole length into your mouth. Purr purr purr I’m such a pleased little kitten. I love sex so very much ^^

 

So all in all, for a little saucy slut like myself, I’m doing quite alright, even if I’m still in the process of mourning.

White-hot pleasure

Things happen quickly in the world of power dynamics.

It’s been 1.5 weeks since I played with V & Y and the past week has featured an amount of discussion that I didn’t realise I was up for. It started with Y realising they didn’t quite feel at home with the configuration as it was and evolved into a general so hey what’s going on what do we want? -kind of talk.

I was shocked to realise this was the first time since Master and besides Master I’ve ever felt the actual need to submit. I want to emphasise how huge this is for me; I bottom a lot and play a lot but I never, ever submit except for with Master. It takes a certain je ne sais quoi to make me submit and I haven’t gotten that vibe from anyone else before. As it slowly dawned on me that V inspired this in me, I also realised I was in deep shit again. The emotional aspect got amped with some 900%. I didn’t – and I think I still don’t – know what I want(ed).

Last weekend I went there again and we talked for a very long time! I don’t know why, I’d wanted to go there and be a happy-go-lucky little slut and just enjoy myself and then go home, but something (…by something I mean submission) moved in me and all of a sudden my voice didn’t carry any longer and then I was crying all in spite of my efforts to stay collected. I still don’t know why. I was scared out of my mind that I’d broken something for Y. And my fears were, in a way, confirmed; Y told me right there and then that they no longer have any interest in playing with me since they clearly can’t get the same response from me as V. They didn’t seem upset with me or anything, they said this in a completely matter-of-fact way. So, err. I guess I’m not playing with Y any longer!

The next night I slept at V’s place and it cracks me up when I think about how confused they were. I guess I was all over the place. I was extremely over-stimulated by all the emotional talk and a job issue and other vanilla-issues and they were confused and didn’t know what I wanted from them and I was confused and didn’t know what I wanted or what they wanted from me. We seemed to come to some sort of agreement on what it is we’re going to try, which is simply playing and see what it does to both of us. It’s strange – I could never explain this kind of connection to anyone vanilla. How do you explain that you don’t have any romantical interest or that you’re not infatuated, but you feel a deep need to submit and give of yourself emotionally and physically? What is infatuation in a D/s-context anyway? These are questions I fought with when Master and I started playing and I think they are still questions I fight with. Master and I wouldn’t be of any use to each other in a vanilla relationship, but I’ve still grown to love Him immensely. How do you define that? How do you find the core of kinky devotion? Am I bloody aromantic nowadays anyway?

Content with the conversation with V, we went to sleep and they petted and cuddled me – carefully, clearly not used to this amount of physical touch – and then it also struck me that I hadn’t told them about my oral fixation or wrist fixation for that matter. It was painfully clear when they lazily dragged their fingers along my wrist and I was reminded of the rpm’s in my body and how I hadn’t found any  release for them yet and then as their fingers (subconsciously? Dunno) gently closed a little around my wrist and then brushed against my mouth and found teeth just gods fuck shit hell.

Last night I then accidentally ended up at Master’s place and was fucked in every imaginable angle and speed, and it just didn’t stop – His partner came home and we’d go at it again and Sir was fucking my mouth while His partner fucked Him from behind and His partner came and already pulled away and I couldn’t concentrate and I didn’t care, I was holding on to the orgasm that would’ve rendered me completely useless and at long last Sir came in my mouth and the sound of it triggered my release and I had the kind of cosmic apocalyptic orgasm to end all orgasms.

1.5 weeks of tension, stress, want, need, submission, excitement, came pouring out of me and my orgasm left me incapacitated staring into the ceiling with lights and shadow blurring and swooping around each other in a merry dance as I struggled to talk and just gave up because nothing but incomprehensible sound would come out and I couldn’t move a limb, limply sagging deeper into the mattress when Sir tried to push me a little.

Absolutely pure, unadulterated, glowing, perfect white-hot pleasure. Pheww.

“You know what is expected of you!”

My first post is a report to Master about this weekend.

So last weekend I was visiting a friend of mine that I’ve occasionally played with before (I’m going to call them Y). I was surprised when their partner had texted me previously that they wanted to play – they are attractive but the silent type, so I was fairly sure that they didn’t even like me. Despite them being on the list of “people I want to violently break me” initially (because of the “horror stories” (=joyful stories of extreme pain) I’d heard from daddy, who used to play with them), I’d moved them to the “not available” -list in my head. They’re known as an extreme sadist so I was very pleased (I’m going to call them W). The idea was to play with both of them as Tops.

Fast forward to Sunday evening; we’d had extensive discussions, I was pleased with their communication and felt safe, so I went through limits but otherwise gave permission to go heavy on me. I wasn’t disappointed.

First we did some needle practice, which was a bit hard, since we’d agreed on not making it about blood play per se. Three blood fetishists and a wound dripping with blood and boom swoon we’re off into la-la-land. W is soft-spoken and calm in vanilla life and the first time I was faced with a command I was dumbstruck because it was so sharp. I was blind-folded, pushed down on the floor onto my back and then the torture started. I haven’t been pushed so far so quickly in a long while so my memory is very foggy, but there was scratching and biting (on the soles of my feet, which hurts like fuck). I struggled and I screamed and I was shut up with two ice cubes in my mouth. Then there was a metal flogger. I’ll repeat this for emphasis; a metal flogger. My thighs were pushed at as my legs were spread wide open. The insides of my thighs were in pain from the needling and they were already sore, but at first it was okay and I was trying to relax into the pain. As the pace and intensity grew, I couldn’t stop myself from screaming. Sometimes with Master, I say “please no more” to provoke Him a little if I’m on the edge – with W I figured I might very well die if I accidentally provoke them further :D  So I tried, I really tried to behave, occasionally instinctually slamming my legs shut and whimpering and experienced deep profound subby satisfaction when W would just calmly wait and say you know what’s expected of you in a quiet, controlled voice. I kept doing this – following my instincts and shutting my legs and fighting to keep from doing it – until the pain was too much and I screamed some more.

That wasn’t a smart idea. Y fetched a candle and my lips were sealed with wax. And then the wax wouldn’t stop dripping everywhere and  I’m not sure if it was a this point or if it was because a pinwheel came out and was rolled over the more sensitive spots; across the achilles heel, over the sensitive thin skin at the back of my knee and I figured I didn’t know how sharp it was and that maybe just maybe they would cut open a tendon and I panicked, or maybe it was when my face was first slapped, I have no idea.

But I broke. I broke properly and I cried and I cried and I cried and they just wouldn’t stop even if I cried and oh my gods it was wonderful. All this time, I was in this blurry darkness with my eyes covered and I just tried to get a grip of anything, a foot, a hand, anything to hold on to so I wouldn’t completely lose myself in the feeling. And then it passed for a moment as then pain didn’t stop and I decided I have to accept it. So I dropped into it and poof accidentally with one exhalation I sank into subspace. My breathing slowed. The pain, which was good in itself, turned into pure pleasure and heat and energy and I got that familiar feeling I do when I manage to reach deep subspace; like every impact and hit is translated into energy, which I’m using as fuel, tanking and absorbing all of it into my body. It feels like a whole body orgasm and I’m so turned on I’m leaking pussy juices all over and in my dizziness I think I hear Y coming at the same time as I’m commanded to spread my legs again and feel a particularly hard hit land and the heat spread from my thigh into my groin, I have no idea, I figure they might be fucking or they might not be fucking, it’s all the same to me as long as the flow of energy doesn’t stop.

Two ice cubes are placed onto my chest and I’m commanded to keep them there or suffer the consequences, but of course they melt and first slide slowly into the hollow at the base of my throat and eventually they drop onto the floor with an ominous little clink and I realise I’m in deep shit right then and there. I’m dragged up from the floor, tied up (W and Y are both really good riggers), my eyes are uncovered and I’m a snotty crying mess blinking in the bright lights and I giggle internally because the first thing I see is Y’s cupboard with spices and I read KANELI and that feels so fucking funny that I almost can’t keep upright – until W hits me with a heavy single-tail and my world explodes into pain. I think we manage three (?) hits until I realise I can’t breathe because that much sought for near-panic is approaching as I feel like my mind is torn apart from hurting and I safeword out of it by asking for a break. Later I realise that quitting the session is because of a slight miss as the tail accidentally hit my face instead and the humiliation and shock pushes me over the edge. I’ve never had a black eye before :’D We end up quitting altogether.

I can’t breathe, the mixture of panic and extreme pleasure has me bent over on the floor bawling mindlessly and I fight through two consecutive beginnings of a panic attack by hyperventilating until I regain sense of self and I’m swimming in a continuous state of euphoria. Aftercare is safely curling up under a blanket between two warm bodies and it is with immense pleasure I notice that these two people are not only willing to accept my need for talking things through afterwards, they willingly participate and we talk for a long time. There’s no spot for genital-focused sex afterwards, which is kind of a shame, since I am soaked and dripping, but completely OK. I’ve been in random pain occasionally now and again, and everyone’s not up for it anyway, so it’s fine. Now, Monday, I’m walking around and am pained by constant waves of heat pooling in my lower abdomen, threatening to come out and stain my jeans because I’m such an easy little painslut ^__^”

Guess who’s back?

Guess what kinksters? I’m back ^__^

 

You might remember me as the troubled owned sub, who had a hard time working their head around stuff in general. Let me re-introduce myself before I re-launch this blog:

My name is irrelevant, but you may call me Luna. I’m a 20-something non-binary trans sub and painslut. My pronoun is the singular they. I am polyamorous and am involved in several relationship of sorts; except for one vanilla girlfriend, I have a Master (who used to be my Owner) and several other people I talk about with the Finnish term heila, which translates freely to fuckbuddy/date/friends-with-benefits. I sometimes call all of my people my peoplesputnikscompanions or often Tops, if this is the role they have in my life.

I am submissive, and I love kink, BDSM and sex. I love pain. Welcome to the re-opening of my blog, which now focuses on my sexy kinky adventures in general and no longer on an ownership ^__^

The end of the ownership

So we’ve come to the point where we’ve decided to end the ownership with my previous owner (oh my gods, feels so weird not capitalising the O!). Thus I’ll be ending this blog shortly.

Thank you all for following my journey and kinky adventures – I never expected to gather such a darling bunch of readers! Stay kinky and safe, all!

Mine

“You are my dirty slut” must be the most beautiful things a Sir can ever tell their little. I want the reassurance so bad right now and my toes curl with pleasure at the words ^__^