So many changes, wow! A short update on the current status of my affairs before we continue:
-I am not only Ownerless but also Masterless now since about a month back. This has been a very painful process and I love my former sir very much as a person, but in between our different personalities, needs and mental health states, we are not able to upkeep a healthy D/s-relationship now. I’m glad we’re finally here, even if we’ve clearly hurt each other very much in the process. We still fuck, because honestly, what is the point of trying to stay away from a person who has me wet and ready in two seconds flat ^^” I’m guessing this still searches for its final form, and I have no idea where we’re going to land, but for now we’re friends and fuckbuddies. My former master will now go by the letter A in this blog!
-I might close down the whole s-side of myself for a little while, to let it heal. I have to learn to differentiate between sessioning/playing and submitting, because I want to keep bottoming, of course. I don’t deny it – it feels like a great pity and like I’ve lost something great. A was the best possible Top for me, but not the best Owner nor Master and my submission is far more emotionally demanding than I thought at first. I’m sure I’ll figure something out at some point, find a person who inspires submission in me at the same time as they want to take it all on, full force, or maybe find ways to play that isn’t so emotionally taxing for me or the D. I’m OK with letting this rest for a while now.
-I have a beautiful beautiful vanilla girlfriend. My gods, she is a bombshell and she is the most supportive, loving, healing angel. And sex is such a delight – who knew vanilla could be so damn enjoyable? It’s different in the way that, I don’t know, classical music and proper cathartic bass heavy trap is different. Both music (sex), but that’s all there is in common, and I have the capacity and settings to enjoy both.
-I’m not sexually passive, by any means, because my submission is sleeping for a moment. Gods, I really really want to fuck around! And this is where we come to where we’re at now:
I fucked my colleague. He’s been in a straight, mono relationship for a long while and ended up leaving his partner, getting drunk and telling me he’s seen wet dreams about me and was intrigued and “questioned his heterosexuality”. Call me a wanton slut, but how could I not catch on? He’s really cute and charming and so I invited him over. It took about a month of back-and-forth-chatting and flirting and “err what is going on?” and I’d kind of figured maybe it’s not something to pursue after all, but then Netflix and chill entered the picture!
We were gonna watch a movie, I leaned against him as his arm slowly slid up to make room for me to crawl closer. Fast forward half an hour and he’s tracing the lines of my palm and I turn my hand upward to give him access to my wrists. His fingers hit the sensitive skin on the inside of the wrist, I let out an involuntary gasp and stretch out, draped over his lap. He breathes out in a little snort that makes me look up to see him smiling with satisfaction, and I’m like okay here we go, so I turn in pleasure, offering him my neck as his plunges his hands into my hair and end up slowly running two fingers across my throat and down down down. I’m proud of myself – we manage to finish the movie before I get up and resolutely take him by the hand and drag him to my bed.
It is such a delight to taste someone new. The tension when you’re already breathing each other in but you’re still waiting for the other one to take the initiative and kiss you and you just feel stubble, skin, breath. Or the first reaction when you’ve finally torn off all the clothes and kiss your way down a new stomach and owner of said stomach leans back and sighs out a slow, breathy moan, or the first quick inhaling reflex they have when you finally take their whole length into your mouth. Purr purr purr I’m such a pleased little kitten. I love sex so very much ^^
So all in all, for a little saucy slut like myself, I’m doing quite alright, even if I’m still in the process of mourning.