Hey you people! Here’s a short summary of what’s happened to me in a couple of years since we last saw each other <3 Scroll down to the bottom for a TL;DR if you want.
I left things hanging really bad back there, didn’t I? Back in 2016 when I still dated the ginger, that is. Turned out that we had amazing sex but weren’t really compatible in the long run, and we’d broken up before the end of that year. I then ended up getting together with my ex-girlfriend, who was mostly vanilla, with a tiny twist at the very most. We had a fuckton of group sex in the beginning, but somehow I fell asleep in that relationship. Part of it was because of my dysphoria (hi, yes, still trans!), part of it was because of my mental health fluctuating, part of it was her inability to handle all the trans issues and part was that we were mentally compatible but sexually maybe not so much in the end. I was spiralling and had to seek medical attention for my mental health. She didn’t want to spiral with me any more and so she dumped me last summer.
I was heartbroken, because once we’d gotten back together I figured we’d stay together. I thought things were well until shit hit the fan. Sexually, this would mean two things: 1) I would stay in some form of shutdown mode for a long while and 2) I also fucking swore to stop fucking cis people, because this was the second cis woman in a row to hurt me with their transphobic attitude to my body – one asking out loud how she’s supposed to “touch a body that doesn’t exist”, the other concluding that she much prefers the kind of sex she was with her cis male (other) partner, the stuff you would generally describe as PIV for penis-in-vagina as well as “making love”, one on top of the other, no toys, nothing. “I don’t want to be just the person holding the dildo for you”.
It was necessary with a clean break, with a moment completely on my own. I did occasionally fuck my former Master, but even the sex I had with Him (oh fuck I shouldn’t be capitalizing that pronoun anymore!) felt disconnected and held none of the tension that I used to feed on before. Can you imagine? The man that fucked me in every single imaginable position and hole, the man whose cum I’d wear on my face to work and who’d have me find IKEA utensils to stick up my ass and photograph for him? Yeah, I felt nothing. I guess that’s when you realize you’re a little broken?
But oh my gods did things get better! I can’t describe it any other way than me having found my ääriviivat again (that’s Finnish for outline or contours). I took part in some rather unorthodox treatment for depression (ketamine infusions once a week) at the local hospital and the amazing thing was that it worked. In half a year of treatment I found my depression had lifted for the first time in my life. I also met someone – let’s call them DL. DL is a queer switch with an affinity for blood that I met through common friends. Our road was a bit rocky, from friends to lovers to partners and then back to lovers, which is where we are now. They have a heavy baggage as far as sexual history goes and so our play has been careful but rather intense – they have this look in their eyes that flicks on like a light switch and you feel like they might want to lock you up and bleed you to death one drop at a time. This is, of course, completely suited to my tastes. They’re not much for impact play in general, perhaps a consequence of them being so much smaller than me in stature, but their topping is pure finesse. No extra muscles are being used, no throwing around, but I haven’t once found the need to bring out the inner brat with them (yet). This relationship has evolved slowly and will probably continue to do so, but it’s perfectly okay. I love them for the person they are, not for the Top they are or could evolve into being.
Of course, I still see A, my former Master, every once in a while. He has moved away from my neighbourhood since our relationship and has a plethora of new playmates. Occasionally though, if we are in the same place at the same time, we fuck. It is so different from before – I don’t drown in the feeling anymore. My outlines don’t get blurry. The sex isn’t exactly less kinky, but there’s more physicality and this softer affection instead of passion. It’s lovely, really. We’re really good friends and I thank him (and, uh, Satan? Some gods?) regularly that our relationship has morphed into what it is now without excess pain and hurt and malice. The same goes for my former Daddy, by the way.
But then this lucky fucking thing happened (or two lucky things, actually). One was an old fling, SA, from 2015, that I reconnected really heavily with. She’d also been in a fucked up situation with her mental health and had gone through quite the trippy healing process since we last met. We live in different cities, but I asked to meet up and hang out, and we ended up talking loads about the wonderous things that had happened to us, and then we ended up talking about us and figuring things out, and then we ended up fucking loads and loads and loads, and then we ended up inviting a friend of mine (that was previously mentioned in the blog as a then-partner’s other partner’s other partner! :D) and it was a wonderful penetration party all in all! My friend was such a delight, grabbed me by the hair and held my face still for SA to slap and they fingered me together, squee! I might write more about SA later. As far as the friend? I’m so very pleased with how so many of my friendships work so well like this – we hang out like normal friends, we do stuff like normal friends, we give each other relationship advice and we cuddle when someone experiences heartbreak or accompany each other to the ER if there is a rapid decline in the state of mind. We just also sometimes fuck, when the conditions and time is right. It’s easy, it’s comfortable, it’s fun and it feels like a wholesome, well-rounded way to upkeep a close relationship to a person you love even if you don’t fancy them romantically. I am blessed with such lovely people in my life.
The other lucky thing was me finding Hayley. Sweet fucking mother of all things fuckable that woman will be the fucking death of me and I’m going to enjoy every second. Hayley is 183 cm of hyperfemme gorgeousness with boobs that would put medium-sized beach balls to shame and a super delightful penis! <3___<3 I’m going to be writing more about her very very soon, so I’ll just leave this as a cliffhanger for now. Mwah! <3 Super stoked about writing again!
Based on my previous text: You might remember me as the troubled owned sub, who had a hard time working their head around stuff in general. Let me re-introduce myself before I re-launch this blog:
My name is irrelevant, but you may call me Luna. I’m a 20-something non-binary trans sub and painslut. My pronoun is the singular they. I am polyamorous and am involved in several relationship of sorts; except for some friends that I have the occasional sexual relationship with I have three people that I am romantically and sexually involved with in some way. I talk about them with the Finnish term heila, which translates freely to fling/date, but the idea is that what we have is romantic and sexual in nature but not a partnership as of the time. I sometimes call all of my people my people, companions or often Tops, if this is the role they have in my life. They go under the names/pseudonyms DL, SA and Hayley.
I am a submissive sadomasochist, and I love kink, BDSM and sex. I love pain. Welcome to the re-opening of my blog, which again now focuses on my sexy kinky adventures in general and no longer on an ownership ^__^