The kinky adventures of a painslut

Fairy queer, polyamorous, naturally submissive and highly analytical

Sex spa and bed n breakfast

I hosted two friends of mine last night, a couple. A playdate had been discussed previously and I figure y’know, why not?

There’d been some confusion around the feelings and intentions beforehand, but I was happy to see the communication was easy. Neither of them had a lot of experiences with threesomes or moresomes before and I was happy to oblige. Why not turn it into more than a B&B, when you can offer other services, too?

So we played around, one tied the other up and stuck a gag in her mouth, I put a strap-on with my favourite sparkly rosegold coloured dildo on her and rode the incapacitated body of hers to a flaming hot orgasm. It took for fucking ever but was well worth the wait when I finally got there, geez wow.

The reason this was the strangest thing ever was I wanted to slap the shit and living hell out of her. I bit her hard enough to leave bright purple dental charts on her arm.

I mean, I wrote this whole blog from the point of view of a sub, and yet I’ve found myself in situations where I want to absolutely tear about the naked femme before me. I want to slap and bite and scratch and call them sluts and whores and bitches and dirty fucktoys and I want to slam them back into the bed every time they try to lift their torso, by their boobs or their ropes or their hair, and tell them they ought to be good girls, shut the fuck up and let me take my orgasm in peace without them squirming around while I’m using them. So, uh. Go figure.

Maybe it’s been long enough since A and the ownership, and I can touch upon the switchy side again. With the right person I’m easily kicked back into absolute submission again, and if it were for a longer amount of time or features any deeper dynamic I would still want to submit rather than dominate, but for random friendly fucks like this, especially with women or femmes, I want to hurt them and it is such a profound joy to be able to tap into this. Taking the pseudo-girlfriend to ropebunny heaven this Friday and I’m super excited!

Heartbreak and “therapy”

It is heaven, when I’m with her. We spend no more than half a year together and yet I tell her I love her, she tells me she loves me and in my head, I can happily ever after forming. She is such a fucking stunner, fuck I can’t even begin to explain. The way her eyes roll back when she comes, the way she scoops you into her arms afterwards (she was always the big spoon after sex, I was always the big spoon when we went to sleep), the way she taught me how to come again, grinding her face in a frenzy of flustered “ohmygods”. She loves my orgasm, pulls me down onto her face and drinks of me like she’s parched and I’m a well.

Well, oh well. Too good to be true usually is too good to be true, and these are just the sexual bits. I really saw myself growing older, growing happy with her, and this is no longer possible if nothing changes in the future. I’m going through a period of intense mourning and what better to help carry me through than satisfying all those needs and holes she left?

(Also remember that other sadist with a taste for blood that I talked about previously? Yeah, we broke up, too!)

A, former Master and current friend and lover of mine, came by to offer me some therapy today. Originally I’d asked him to just fuck me up but it turned out quite loving methinks. What used to be submission is lighter these days of course. I can’t really get into it the way I used to, but I enjoy bottoming for him immensely. There’s pain and there’s squirting and there’s the kind of syncing that only happens between people who have fucked each other hundreds of times. I feel comfortable, I’m not dysphoric in the least, I’m not dysmorphic in the least, he is soft and hard and firm and warm and all the right things and I could never have imagined being fucked missionary style could be so incredibly sexy and pleasurable. He comes inside of me and I want to hold him close. There is no longing or mental pain or feelings of loss anymore. There are two people and two bodies and such immense affection and trust and companionship. No drama anymore. I’m grateful beyond words for how good things turned out for us, and for the distraction and help he provides, because for some hours Hayley doesn’t exist in my mind and I’m soothed.

This was the necessary situation update thing, I’ll need to discuss happy sexy things next!

My cup runneth over

H and I are in the car and she’s about to leave for home. The initial honeymoon is very much so over, in other words. If you’re a sub or a slut you’ll know what I talk about when I describe the feeling in my head (uh, and body) when I think about detaching myself from her: the thought of no longer receiving the stimuli she provides both in terms of pleasure and pain is unbearable, and of course she’s also really a very sweet person and I’ll miss the mischievous grin and the dorky jokes and innuendos.

I often tell myself that I need to learn how to calm down, how to not want so much, how to control my emotions, but fact remains that in most cases, I end up in companionships of different sorts with people mostly because I get used to them and that way grow to cherish them. There’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t consider these relationships any less than the form where someone swoops in like on wheels and sweeps me off my feet. It’s like how some people smell bad and some people smell good, but others simply smell right. With H, there is that urgency that comes with right.

One of the things that really pleases me is how playful she is. Yes, we’re in the car. Yes, we’re in a busy parking lot. Yes, the car window is open. Yes, my other lover is on the phone and I’m trying to give her directions, as she’s catching a ride with me. And yes, my field of vision gets a bit off when I look at her as she stretches over the gearshift and slides a hand into my pants. I need to be quiet, I need to answer the phone, I need to not alert attention, but honestly, when she rubs her whole hand over my swollen clit I don’t give a fuck. She is a fucking phenomenon, this girl.

Hayley

Content warning: (consensual) slurs

Where do I begin if I want to describe the phenomenon that is Hayley?

We met briefly several years ago for a work thing and immediately found each other hot, but she was involved in a monogamous relationship and I was way too shy and didn’t read any signals from her, so I didn’t pursue it in any way. Fast forward some years and we end up matching on a dating app! She had gotten out of a terrible relationship some time before and was single – and very eager to meet me!

We met up this beautiful summer day, hung out and then went to this queer event together in the evening. The shady bar was calmingly cool after the hot day, but H was fucking drop dead hot. I think she was casually leaning against a wall as I turned to hug her and there was that magic moment when you haven’t yet kissed but you’re too close to turn back and your noses are touching and you just stay still and breathe each other in. It’s the calm before the storm, because once your lips hit things spiral out of control and something in your gut and your groin and behind your eyes drives you against her mouth again and again and again. Your piercings crash against each other and it might even sting a little, but you just want her so bad. As I feel myself getting wet I can feel her erection through her skimpy skirt against my thigh (yes, we are both trans, thank goodness). Incidentally, my ex-daddy/friend is with us in the club (and quite busy snogging his own fling, I might add) and he has to drag me away in order for us to make the bus home.

In the weeks that pass I get to know her. Among other things, she is a pro athlete within a combat sport, which means she is super physical. And get this – she’s used to subbing. She identifies a switch in herself, but has no experience in topping. I have phone sex for the first time with her soon after, because it’s another couple of weeks before I see her again.

She communicates so much better than I for some reason expected based on our initial talk about our experiences and I don’t read her as super submissive at all! This is why I’m so shocked when we finally hook up. My body is so fucking hungry for her that I’m almost in pain with lust and want and need, and even the awkwardness that is the first time in bed with a new person is exciting and not awkward at all. First it’s just sex, we literally just fuck the need out of the system. Then we talk. And then the magic starts happening.

This one night after we’ve spent some time together getting to know each other’s bodies and tendencies, she mentions that I have found the way to trigger the switch and that she doesn’t even feel like bottoming with me. I’m lying on my stomach next to her in bed, attentively listening, trying to ignore the fact that I’m wet, again (fuck I am so easy with her, she looks at me the right way and this river gushes out of me – I soak the sheets and this is before she even touches me!). Before there’s any more discussion on it though, she climbs on top of me, pushes my legs open, slides her perfect (girl)dick up and down my (boi)pussy and then takes me – hard. Our friend is sleeping in the room next door, but  squished under her weight as she fucks me I can’t really help but whimper. She slams her hand across my face, covering my mouth extremely firmly, and literally hisses the command at me: turpa kii ja ota sitä kyrpää, vitun huora shut up and take that dick, you fucking whore. 

I mean, okay. Most people would probably sound a little ridiculous saying that but my sex kitten is far from “most people” and the fact that I’m being violently plowed from behind combined with the sheer threat that her physicality entails as well as the fact that she’s the prettiest fucking sweetheart femme doll who is telling me to take her dick, uh. My head swims and I’m pretty much this drooling pool of pleasure. When she tells me she’s going to cum “right here”, in my pussy or on my ass or wherever the fuck she wants without giving a shit about how I feel about being objectified, I think I just whimper and nod in agreement as much as I can while being held still. Sure fucking thing, ma’am, this piece of ass might be my own but it is yours for the taking to use however you see fit.

She pulls out of me and rolls over next to me in bed, chuckles in this really girly, almost childishly innocent way, and smiling says I figured I’d try being a little bit more dominant then. And that was the very moment when I realized the potential that she and I have together. I was so happy I was bouncing on clouds the rest of the stay with her and I could almost hear the cogs turning in her head, as she put these brand new Domme wheels in motion. She’d fuck me in the bed, on the floor, in my car, and let me tell you, my cup runneth over. I think I was wet for like a week straight.

Last night she left from our second longer stay together, but that deserves a post of its own. Right now I’m merely in this rambling, fucked-and-happy, hovering state of mind and I’m gonna go admire the picture of my face that my make-up made on my sheets two nights ago. I was being banged hard from behind while having my ass slapped into absolute oblivion and my face would continuously rub back and forth against the mattress, leaving my eye make-up behind and my face a smudgy mess – as a good slut should!

Your favourite painslut is back!

Hey you people! Here’s a short summary of what’s happened to me in a couple of years since we last saw each other <3 Scroll down to the bottom for a TL;DR if you want.

I left things hanging really bad back there, didn’t I? Back in 2016 when I still dated the ginger, that is. Turned out that we had amazing sex but weren’t really compatible in the long run, and we’d broken up before the end of that year. I then ended up getting together with my ex-girlfriend, who was mostly vanilla, with a tiny twist at the very most. We had a fuckton of group sex in the beginning, but somehow I fell asleep in that relationship. Part of it was because of my dysphoria (hi, yes, still trans!), part of it was because of my mental health fluctuating, part of it was her inability to handle all the trans issues and part was that we were mentally compatible but sexually maybe not so much in the end. I was spiralling and had to seek medical attention for my mental health. She didn’t want to spiral with me any more and so she dumped me last summer.

I was heartbroken, because once we’d gotten back together I figured we’d stay together. I thought things were well until shit hit the fan. Sexually, this would mean two things: 1) I would stay in some form of shutdown mode for a long while and 2) I also fucking swore to stop fucking cis people, because this was the second cis woman in a row to hurt me with their transphobic attitude to my body – one asking out loud how she’s supposed to “touch a body that doesn’t exist”, the other concluding that she much prefers the kind of sex she was with her cis male (other) partner, the stuff you would generally describe as PIV for penis-in-vagina as well as “making love”, one on top of the other, no toys, nothing.  “I don’t want to be just the person holding the dildo for you”.

It was necessary with a clean break, with a moment completely on my own. I did occasionally fuck my former Master, but even the sex I had with Him (oh fuck I shouldn’t be capitalizing that pronoun anymore!) felt disconnected and held none of the tension that I used to feed on before. Can you imagine? The man that fucked me in every single imaginable position and hole, the man whose cum I’d wear on my face to work and who’d have me find IKEA utensils to stick up my ass and photograph for him? Yeah, I felt nothing. I guess that’s when you realize you’re a little broken?

But oh my gods did things get better! I can’t describe it any other way than me having found my ääriviivat again (that’s Finnish for outline or contours). I took part in some rather unorthodox treatment for depression (ketamine infusions once a week) at the local hospital and the amazing thing was that it worked. In half a year of treatment I found my depression had lifted for the first time in my life. I also met someone – let’s call them DL. DL is a queer switch with an affinity for blood that I met through common friends. Our road was a bit rocky, from friends to lovers to partners and then back to lovers, which is where we are now. They have a heavy baggage as far as sexual history goes and so our play has been careful but rather intense – they have this look in their eyes that flicks on like a light switch and you feel like they might want to lock you up and bleed you to death one drop at a time. This is, of course, completely suited to my tastes. They’re not much for impact play in general, perhaps a consequence of them being so much smaller than me in stature, but their topping is pure finesse. No extra muscles are being used, no throwing around, but I haven’t once found the need to bring out the inner brat with them (yet). This relationship has evolved slowly and will probably continue to do so, but it’s perfectly okay. I love them for the person they are, not for the Top they are or could evolve into being.

Of course, I still see A, my former Master, every once in a while. He has moved away from my neighbourhood since our relationship and has a plethora of new playmates. Occasionally though, if we are in the same place at the same time, we fuck. It is so different from before – I don’t drown in the feeling anymore. My outlines don’t get blurry. The sex isn’t exactly less kinky, but there’s more physicality and this softer affection instead of passion. It’s lovely, really. We’re really good friends and I thank him (and, uh, Satan? Some gods?) regularly that our relationship has morphed into what it is now without excess pain and hurt and malice. The same goes for my former Daddy, by the way.

But then this lucky fucking thing happened (or two lucky things, actually). One was an old fling, SA, from 2015, that I reconnected really heavily with. She’d also been in a fucked up situation with her mental health and had gone through quite the trippy healing process since we last met. We live in different cities, but I asked to meet up and hang out, and we ended up talking loads about the wonderous things that had happened to us, and then we ended up talking about us and figuring things out, and then we ended up fucking loads and loads and loads, and then we ended up inviting a friend of mine (that was previously mentioned in the blog as a then-partner’s other partner’s other partner! :D) and it was a wonderful penetration party all in all! My friend was such a delight, grabbed me by the hair and held my face still for SA to slap and they fingered me together, squee! I might write more about SA later. As far as the friend? I’m so very pleased with how so many of my friendships work so well like this – we hang out like normal friends, we do stuff like normal friends, we give each other relationship advice and we cuddle when someone experiences heartbreak or accompany each other to the ER if there is a rapid decline in the state of mind. We just also sometimes fuck, when the conditions and time is right. It’s easy, it’s comfortable, it’s fun and it feels like a wholesome, well-rounded way to upkeep a close relationship to a person you love even if you don’t fancy them romantically. I am blessed with such lovely people in my life.

The other lucky thing was me finding Hayley. Sweet fucking mother of all things fuckable that woman will be the fucking death of me and I’m going to enjoy every second. Hayley is 183 cm of hyperfemme gorgeousness with boobs that would put medium-sized beach balls to shame and a super delightful penis! <3___<3 I’m going to be writing more about her very very soon, so I’ll just leave this as a cliffhanger for now. Mwah! <3  Super stoked about writing again!

 

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TL;DR
Based on my previous text: You might remember me as the troubled owned sub, who had a hard time working their head around stuff in general. Let me re-introduce myself before I re-launch this blog:

My name is irrelevant, but you may call me Luna. I’m a 20-something non-binary trans sub and painslut. My pronoun is the singular they. I am polyamorous and am involved in several relationship of sorts; except for some friends that I have the occasional sexual relationship with I have three people that I am romantically and sexually involved with in some way. I talk about them with the Finnish term heila, which translates freely to fling/date, but the idea is that what we have is romantic and sexual in nature but not a partnership as of the time. I sometimes call all of my people my people,  companions or often Tops, if this is the role they have in my life. They go under the names/pseudonyms DL, SA and Hayley.

I am a submissive sadomasochist, and I love kink, BDSM and sex. I love pain. Welcome to the re-opening of my blog, which again now focuses on my sexy kinky adventures in general and no longer on an ownership ^__^

The ginger vol II

I’m delighted and pleased and all kinds of happy with how the sexual aspect of the relationship to the ginger is turning out.

I’m not quite sure if his previous partners have been shy or just had sexual wants that were extremely different from what I could imagine, but he seems so…surprised at pretty much everything I do. To a certain extent it makes me a little sad: you mean no oneever, made you come manually? Like….how? How can you keep your hands off something so fucking good? How can you not par example ask what the other person wants if what you’re doing is not getting them off?

Pardon me for getting a bit lyric here, but I had such a good evening yesterday. I’d had a fucking terrible day with the first panic attack for a very long time and he’d been at work pretty much around the clock and still he got me dinner, made me dinner, listened to me and cuddled me. Of course I wanted to reciprocate by giving him a back rub. As sometimes (often) happens, I’d just glide into this oxytocin mist, where touching felt so good and pushing against him felt so good and how the fuck can someone smell so good it is not fucking natural and touching becomes stroking and then you find yourself so wet that you’re staining the sheets through the fabric of your pants, dick in hand and in a state of complete mindfulness and at peace with the world, your body humming at the right energy state, resonating with everything around you, with him, with his incredibly.fucking.delicious.dick.jesus.wow.

I think I might be humming aloud from my own pleasure by the time he actually comes, who knows. Gods he is really something.

Gingers 

My new fuckbuddy/date/whatever showed some true colours last night, much to my joy. Can’t say I’m surprised though, just as I send out bottomy signals I also read toppy signals in others and I tend to trigger them even if they weren’t always very strong before (I consider this my special magic skill!). The ginger was at my place and we’d just be cuddling at first, I’d find my way down as the dick-hungry slut I am, and then I’d ask him to please fuck my face. And oh did he oblige. I mean, not just the careful “oh okay I’m straddling your face” I was expecting – it didn’t take long until one hand found its way into my hair and got a good grip, and the other a firm hold on my throat. Then I was fucked, properly, with gag reflexes and tears and all. It was delightfully humiliating to have his dick slap my face whenever I’d be allowed a quick breather, and to be teased and forced to beg for it. I can’t very well even think “do you want it in your mouth?” without feeling some serious pooling action going on, let alone with a straight face. But then that is what is so delightful in being a sub. You get cuter the more pathetically you beg for it ^___^ 

I am so pleased at this turn of events! 

What polyamory really is 

Sometimes when I tell people I’m poly they assume it means I have hot group sex all the time. I usually tell them they’re wrong: polyamory is 95% talking about feelings while drinking tea. Luckily there is that other five percent, too, where you fuck your partner, your partner’s other partner and your partner’s other partner’s other partner. I’m a hedonistic and blessed little slut. 

(Please read the title with a pinch of irony – polyamory can look and probably looks different for every poly <3 )

A threesome from the sick bed

So I’m on sick leave due to a surgical procedure and can’t have penetrative sex (as the receiving part) for several weeks! This is terrible news. The happy news are that my oral fixation hasn’t gone anywhere despite the D/s-relationship that nurtured it so well having ended.

I visited my girlfriend and her live-in -primary and we ended up fucking. I couldn’t take any clothes off, of course, surgical wounds aren’t very sexy and I’m still sore all over, but I could lend my services as a very gifted and eager mouth. Oh my gods it was pure bliss! I was squeezed up between two pairs of legs, alternating between clit and dick and eventually managing to get the both of them squeezed together close enough to fit the head of her boyfriend’s dick into my mouth while still maintaining tongue function and then I’d just close my eyes and pick up the soft back-and-forth rhythm and fully focus on the pleasure of all these different feels and tastes in my mouth. I can’t deny I took great pride in their humor-tinted “how the fuck can you even manage of all that in your mouth at the same time?” comments ^__^  (thank you A, you’ve trained me well but in all fairness I’m a natural, too, tssk!)

And then an idea just popped into my mind and I decided to voice it out loud without thinking first: I asked the gf’s primary if it would be OK for him to fuck my mouth and cum over my face.

I’ll have you know I haven’t had a facial in, oh I don’t know. Five years? Seven?

I’m more for spunk when it comes sans sperm (I think the “taste of testo” in transmasculine cum is a thing (by “thing” I mean tasty as fuck)) but hey, it was an experience I haven’t had in a while and if I want something, I tend to ask for it and I’m grateful I received it, too! Now my hair is all jizzy, bwahah!

I drape myself over you

So many changes, wow! A short update on the current status of my affairs before we continue:

-I am not only Ownerless but also Masterless now since about a month back. This has been a very painful process and I love my former sir very much as a person, but in between our different personalities, needs and mental health states, we are not able to upkeep a healthy D/s-relationship now. I’m glad we’re finally here, even if we’ve clearly hurt each other very much in the process. We still fuck, because honestly, what is the point of trying to stay away from a person who has me wet and ready in two seconds flat ^^” I’m guessing this still searches for its final form, and I have no idea where we’re going to land, but for now we’re friends and fuckbuddies. My former master will now go by the letter A in this blog!

-I might close down the whole s-side of myself for a little while, to let it heal. I have to learn to differentiate between sessioning/playing and submitting, because I want to keep bottoming, of course. I don’t deny it – it feels like a great pity and like I’ve lost something great. A was the best possible Top for me, but not the best Owner nor Master and my submission is far more emotionally demanding than I thought at first. I’m sure I’ll figure something out at some point, find a person who inspires submission in me at the same time as they want to take it all on, full force, or maybe find ways to play that isn’t so emotionally taxing for me or the D. I’m OK with letting this rest for a while now.

-I have a beautiful beautiful vanilla girlfriend. My gods, she is a bombshell and she is the most supportive, loving, healing angel. And sex is such a delight – who knew vanilla could be so damn enjoyable? It’s different in the way that, I don’t know, classical music and proper cathartic bass heavy trap is different. Both music (sex), but that’s all there is in common, and I have the capacity and settings to enjoy both.

-I’m not sexually passive, by any means, because my submission is sleeping for a moment. Gods, I really really want to fuck around! And this is where we come to where we’re at now:

 

I fucked my colleague. He’s been in a straight, mono relationship for a long while and ended up leaving his partner, getting drunk and telling me he’s seen wet dreams about me and was intrigued and “questioned his heterosexuality”. Call me a wanton slut, but how could I not catch on? He’s really cute and charming and so I invited him over. It took about a month of back-and-forth-chatting and flirting and “err what is going on?” and I’d kind of figured maybe it’s not something to pursue after all, but then Netflix and chill entered the picture!

We were gonna watch a movie, I leaned against him as his arm slowly slid up to make room for me to crawl closer. Fast forward half an hour and he’s tracing the lines of my palm and I turn my hand upward to give him access to my wrists. His fingers hit the sensitive skin on the inside of the wrist, I let out an involuntary gasp and stretch out, draped over his lap. He breathes out in a little snort that makes me look up to see him smiling with satisfaction, and I’m like okay here we go, so I turn in pleasure, offering him my neck as his plunges his hands into my hair and end up slowly running two fingers across my throat and down down down. I’m proud of myself – we manage to finish the movie before I get up and resolutely take him by the hand and drag him to my bed.

It is such a delight to taste someone new. The tension when you’re already breathing each other in but you’re still waiting for the other one to take the initiative and kiss you and you just feel stubble, skin, breath. Or the first reaction when you’ve finally torn off all the clothes and kiss your way down a new stomach and owner of said stomach leans back and sighs out a slow, breathy moan, or the first quick inhaling reflex they have when you finally take their whole length into your mouth. Purr purr purr I’m such a pleased little kitten. I love sex so very much ^^

 

So all in all, for a little saucy slut like myself, I’m doing quite alright, even if I’m still in the process of mourning.